Digital Diet Done - Now What?
I have to be honest – I wasn’t sure I wanted to come back.
The first few days were tough, battling the not knowing, the not being (seemingly) engaged. I had to work at curbing the reflex of reaching for my phone, a reflex I didn’t even realize I had. Despite having had some practice (last year, I attended a 10-day silent vipassana meditation course during which no technology, books, journals or communication – except with your teacher – was allowed), four to five days passed before I was able to move past the anxiety, waiting it out, watching it eventually fade and pass away.
Then, at about the half-way point, a new and very palpable discomfort arose: life got very, very quiet. It was incredibly unsettling at first, but also very thought provoking. What exactly in or about the quiet was making me uncomfortable? Was I actually missing something or was I just no longer used to the quiet?
I waited and I watched. And I tried to get to know my uneasiness, slowly adapting to its weight, its texture and its effects on my body; steadily working loose the knots of interweaving fears and anxieties to get a clearer picture; carefully exploring the crevices and unearthing so much valuable information that had been hidden away.
Lesson 1: Learn to be okay with not knowing
Just before starting this Digital Diet, I posted about my coaching business and about the Digital Detox that was the catalyst for this second phase of significantly reduced technology use. I wondered if what I wrote connected with others? Did people like it? Did people react to it? Did anyone even read it?
I didn’t know and I wasn’t going to for at least a few weeks. What did that really mean, though, for my day-to-day life? Whatever the reaction, what would or should that change about what I do or who I am?
I’ve worked hard over the last couple of years to become more comfortable with not knowing. The undeniable truth is that life is made up of not knowing, but that doesn’t stop any of us from living life, making choices, and taking action. Knowing doesn’t equate to a “better” life.
Instead of worrying about the “what ifs”, I choose to be at peace (or at least work towards being at peace) with not knowing and to continue to live my life with as much presence, gratitude and authentic (for me) conscious action as possible. It’s the only way forward that makes sense to and for me.
Lesson 2: Availability is my kryptonite
One of the most interesting insights for me is that ready availability is my weakness. When I attended the silent meditation course last year I found it quite easy to deal with the absence of technology and media.
It turns out I’m quite adaptable if there’s no choice or option – I don’t get frustrated, I just go with the flow. But during my Digital Diet, the option was available and there was no one monitoring me and no one to whom I had to answer. It was entirely my choice whether or when I picked up my cell phone, opened up my laptop or turned on my smart TV.
Realizing that my occasionally absent will power was my biggest initial challenge shouldn’t have been all that surprising in retrospect – it has certainly reared its head in my relationship to chips and other savoury, not so healthy food. In my case, not making it easily available (i.e. not stocking any at home) goes a long way. With technology, the same will probably never be said in my case, unless I start locking away my devices and giving the key to someone else.
As such, I needed to be really clear about why I was taking on this Digital Diet and what I believed I’d gain from this experiment. I also needed to figure out what aspects and qualities about digital technology made its availability so enticing to me and what balance would work for me in future so that availability wasn’t the overriding factor that would tip the scales.
Lesson 3: What do I want my friendships to look like?
In my lifetime, connecting with friends has moved from phone calls to texts and, now, mostly to posts. Where the first and the second allowed for some sort of intimacy or, at least, direct contact, the latter is broad and wide. Today, sharing what’s going on in our lives means creating a post or a story. Our friends, family, acquaintances and, sometimes, colleagues update themselves when or if they want to by accessing our accounts and pages.
But what’s really being shared? The information tends to be more general because the audience is more varied. Most of us post about the positives only. We usually keep our struggles private and understandably so. But if social media has altered the way we communicate and connect – and it surely has, swaying us towards the efficiency and social rewards of stories and posts – then what happens to the intimacy of friendship in which we share both the positive and the negative? If we’re not reaching out more directly, when and with whom do we talk about the problems we’re facing? When or do we reach out for support? How do we share our fears and anxieties and thus make them more manageable?
This is not a call to stop sharing posts or stories, but this experience has been a reminder for me about the value of reaching out directly and making time for phone and video calls so we can talk about not just the general stuff, but also the individual, the personal, the good and the bad.
Lesson 4: Find comfort in the quiet
It got really quiet. There was less noise of all sorts: less incoming information (audio and visual), less distraction (including of my own making – i.e. choosing to go on YouTube and risk getting sucked down a rabbit hole), less sound (e.g. notification pings)....
It opened up space for concerns and anxieties but also for ideas and questions. More time and more quiet meant coming face to face with some difficult and, at times, deeply uncomfortable truths about myself, my work and my friendships. I could choose to work through my bad habits, mistakes and fears or I could remain stuck in the same patterns, doing the same things over and over again, never improving, never growing. Never getting the chance to see who I might become and what I might do, never finding out exactly how much my life might encompass.
So, I choose to take the bad with the good because that is a full life. I can’t do this, though, without some courage and a lot of self-compassion. I will never stop screwing up, no matter how much I’d like to. I will never be able to get rid of the pain of loss and mistakes. I will never be completely free of fear.
In the quiet, I’ve watched my thoughts and recognized that I grossly over exaggerate my worries and my fears and dramatically under estimate my resilience and my strengths. In the quiet, I hear an inner voice that’s been straining to be heard and though I can’t yet make out exactly what it’s trying to say, it’s getting louder and becoming clearer. In the quiet, my drive, my focus and my curiosity have grown.
Lesson 5: Comparisons won’t help me figure out my path
One of the biggest challenges for me with social media is comparison. There are so many people doing so many different things both with respect to their businesses and to how they use social media. For some this might represent a fountain of ideas. For me, my mind reels with the possibilities as I struggle with questions of whether I’m doing the right thing, whether I’m doing enough, whether I should do more of this or less of that....
Time away from the internet and from social media has allowed me to see that it’s not about what others are doing, it’s about what’s right for me.
Are there “tried and true” methods that can lead to business success? Sure. Does that mean there is only one way to succeed? Absolutely not. Is success the only viable outcome? Will success teach me what I need to know? Is there only one definition of success? Will success lead me where I need to go for the benefit of my whole life, not just my work life? The answers will differ for each of us.
Instead of comparing what I do with what others are doing, I’m working on figuring out what’s right for me at this moment. I know that there will be mistakes and failures, but I also know that, beyond them, there will be so much more life to be explored and experienced.
I will continue to be online – I couldn’t completely walk away even if I wanted to, given how much of our day-to-day lives is embedded in the realm of the internet. But I will also continue to limit my usage quite strictly: social media on Tuesday and Friday mornings only. I will still avoid news feeds (it’s all negative and it’s all negative for a reason – we are drawn to it and we click and that’s revenue – and it distorts our world view). Netflix and YouTube will continue to be limited.
If anything’s become clear to me over this period, it is that, first and foremost, what I do must be right for me. It sounds so easy but it’s not, at least not for me. There’s so much noise, so many voices telling us which way to turn, what we should do, what we should wear, what we should focus on and how we should think. More worrying to me is that digital technology is changing HOW we think, whether we like it or not, whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s making us more impatient, less focused, and very likely less creative and innovative as well as less empathetic and compassionate.
Digital technology is a tool and like any tool, we can and do misuse it. But we can change that. We have a choice.
For some, it may not be possible or desirable to reduce their use of digital technology like I will be. But it’s not about doing what I do, or, for that matter, doing what anyone else does. It’s about figuring out what’s right FOR YOU, what’s healthy and beneficial FOR YOU.
What role do you want digital technology to play in your life?